Freedom is the Key to Successful Relationships

I remember once a guy told me, 'I don't know what to do. If I call a girl a lot, she says that it is too much, if I don't call, she says that I don't care about her.’ Indeed, keeping the balance within a relationship can be tricky sometimes and there are no universal recipes about striking that balance since everything is circumstantial. Nevertheless, there is one key ingredient that is vital within a relationship and it is freedom.


Why freedom? Well, some people fall under the illusion that in a long-term relationship couples become each other’s' half. It is like opening a whole new chapter of your life (of course it is) in which they have to completely denounce some of the things they were before or they used to do, as they either have to fit in a certain image or for other reasons. Also, the idea is that you become more connected, meaning that the relationship consumes you both and you become 'one'. Therefore, this 'oneness' concept assumes that two halves come together, not two separate, truly wholesome individuals. This is the point where things start getting busy - the adjustment, possible compromises and acceptance of the things that the other person is not willing to change.

People try different scenarios:

1.some devote themselves completely, to the point of not living their lives as wholesome individuals. While this may be showing love and affection, it backfires later on when you realize that you have made far too many compromises, haven't done the things that you wanted and the other person may have failed to notice that, is not fully appreciated you, taking for granted your constant support. On the other hand, the other person may say either that they have not asked for all these compromises in the name of his own good or that you are not the person that they liked initially , because you have lost your individuality.

2.In the second scenario , there are those who believe that once they get married to the other person, they will be forced to change their ways or alternatively, they will change the other person in a way that what they don't like now , will vanish later. Here is a surprise - none of these works. Feeling forced to change , you may work hard and you may try to comply with certain rules and conditions, but in the end you will revert to your old self and you won't be able to stand even a moment of this. If you decide to change the other person you will be in for a constant battle for overpowering the other person, restricting certain behaviour and encouraging another. There will be the continuous fight over who is right and who is wrong and endless arguments and quarrels. People don't change unless they want to or feel that it is necessary, even then it takes time. If you do manage to change the other person according to your preferences, you may end up saying a sentence like, 'You are not the person that I liked before...the one I liked would...'


In India people really value freedom and for them, if a love does not give you freedom, then you should throw it away, because without freedom one cannot be happy. Indeed, everyone needs their own space to be themselves, to develop, to be with friends and even for a moment of silence, even being in a relationship. Freedom goes both ways - you give freedom and you use your freedom. Actually love and freedom are the two sides of the same coin - we need both to feel happy and accomplished as individuals. We should not have to choose between both, we can have both.